Wish the Obamas a WTF 2012!

I clicked on a web ad with Obama’s fat face on it (just because I like making whoever created the ad pay for it). And what do I get? An ecard wishing the Obama’s a good 2012.

Isn’t that just sweet… NO! It’s fucking sick. This part-Orwellian propaganda/part-Family Ties episode makes me want to vomit. The Obamas steal our money and spend it on lavish trips to India and extravagant parties. Why the hell should we be wishing them a good 2012? Why don’t you wish us a happy 2012 instead of the other way around you arrogant motherfucker?

Who knows, maybe it’s just a good way to track all the pro-dictator names and emails so they will be ignored by the death squads after Obama’s reelection.

All I know is that if my tax money is being used for shit like this, we’re toast. There is no hope for us. Pack it in soldiers.

 

The Perfect GOP candidate

It seems that the Republicans are having trouble finding their perfect candidate. Every month seems to bring yet another frontrunner. First Perry, then Cain, and now Gingrich. Could it be that there isn’t a perfect candidate? Well, I decided to create one. So, if the party is serious and wants to get all Frankenstein on that ass- here it is.

Yes, I know- I realize that this is one ugly motherfucker. But it has tits, so that’s a bonus. And it can talk a hurricane into turning around and back it up with gumption. What’s more, this gob of GOP greatness would be the best president since Washington because it would follow the Constitution (thanks RP) and effect positive change in it too (like getting rid of the 16th Amendment and abolishing the IRS).

Notable omissions from my creation: Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney. They have very little to offer. You might want to go with Romney’s hair over Perry’s but that’s about it.

So, Republicans, let’s get Frankenstein. Or, you can forget about the hair, the tits, the cojones, and the tongue, and you can just elect Ron Paul, the only candidate in our time who gets it.

 

This is hilarious – Obama Gaffe-A-Day Calendar

“From Bailouts to Beer Summits” skewers the President using his own words

Two longtime friends spent hundreds of hours reading virtually every word that President Barack Obama ever has written, watching scores of his YouTube videos, and fighting over which Joe Biden gaffes transcend mere hilarity and rise to the realm of true legend. Now Mike Paranzino and Mike Dunnigan have just released the product of their research: a 2012 daily desktop calendar called “From Bailouts to Beer Summits: This Day in Obama History.”

The calendar chronicles hundreds of Obama milestones, from his promise to spread Joe the Plumber’s wealth around, to his gift to the Queen of England of an iPod pre-loaded with his own speeches . . . from his signature diplomatic achievement – the Beer Summit – to his dismissal of small-town Americans as bitter gun-toters and religion-clingers.

The authors expect their calendar to appeal especially to conservatives, Tea Party members, and independents. However, they’re not writing off liberals entirely. “If they have a sense of humor,” Paranzino says, “we think that even a few liberals will laugh nervously under their breath.” Dunnigan agrees, “The First Lady famously called America ‘downright mean.’ We don’t think that our calendar is mean, but it’s definitely for people who have a wicked sense of humor.”

The calendar is available exclusively through Amazon.com at this link: www.TheObamaCalendar.com. A Kindle version also is available.

Paranzino and Dunnigan formerly practiced law together in Arizona. Paranzino now lives in Maryland, and Dunnigan lives in San Antonio, Texas.

Jimmy Who?

 

Oftentimes, visitors to the information-Nazi haven Wikipedia are presented with a “personal appeal” from the founder Jimmy Wales.

Let’s disregard the fact that I have no interest in seeing the face of a guy who looks like he’s dropping an uncomfortable load off screen. Let’s pay attention to the big honking advertisement that occupies half of the screen. The point is to generate revenue from donations instead of relying on advertisements, so they put an annoying advertisement up instead. Makes a lot of sense, dickheads.

Why don’t you drop this pseudo-non-profit model and get with the 21st century. People like Ads and commercials now–they are funny, sexy, and (at least online) give us what we want through ingenious targeted content. You and NPR aren’t better because you have “non-profit” ads. And don’t act like NPR doesn’t have ads. “This segment is brought to you by the generous support of the John T. MacArthur Project and the Enowment of the Humanities” is a fucking advertisement. Don’t act like it isn’t.

So, Jimmy, get your ugly mug off the screen and give me this:

You can’t be there? Who gives a shit?

We’ve all seen the invites to parties or events through evite or facebook events in which a good portion of the respondents feel the compulsion to tell everyone on the event list that they can’t make it and exactly why they can’t make it.

There are the Debbie Downers:

“Sorry I can’t come. I have so much work to do and I’ll probably come down with some strange disease right before and be confined to my bed for 10 days.”

There are the Too Cool for Schoolers:

“Yeah, your party sounds slightly better than watching paint dry, but my ass will be in Ibiza lighting it up with two naked chicks with coke on their nipples.”

There are the Terse Apologetics:

“Sorry, can’t make it. XOXO”

There are the Competors:

“I’m having a birthday dinner that night. If anybody wants to do that instead, please visit my event: http://sexybirthday.com”

And there are the Non Sequiturs:

“Whoa–I’ve got wood and can’t spell my name…”

But let me get to my point: No one gives a fuck that you can’t make it to the party. If I put up an event page, I don’t want to hear your better plans or about your pathetic life. I want enthusiasm about my fucking event. I will erase your ass. No one cares.

Occupy Wall Street Protesters Suck

Aside from the defecating in public, raping, polluting horde that the Occupy Wall Street Movement has become, they still suck. Their central premise that capitalism is evil is misguided at best and dangerous to a free people at worst. This image makes that clear:

Here’s to you morons in New York and around the world: you suck!

I recently happened upon this funny little cartoon attempting to show the hypocrisy of anti-government protesters:

Their point is, I’m guessing, that the lowly protesters are complaining about being taxed all the while, they’re surrounded by these great things for which their taxes are being used. The roads, the sidewalks, the streets signs. All these things government does and these idiots don’t even acknowledge that benevolence.

But there’s a problem with this argument: it’s completely fallacious.

Right off the bat, it’s not a level argument. The protesters are most likely protesting federal income tax and all the things pointed out in the cartoon are locally taxed and constructed. But aside from that…

First, it assumes that government is the only entity capable of producing roads, sidewalks, or street signs. In fact, go to any large shopping mall and you’ll see that that’s not the case—they have roads, sidewalks, and street signs, yet money isn’t stolen from people to produce it.

Second, it assumes that if these fools just realized what good was done with their tax dollars, they wouldn’t mind. But even if government does something good with the money it steals, that doesn’t legitimize the fact that they stole it. If I took $10 from you and gave you a sandwich, you may well enjoy the sandwich, but that doesn’t make it okay to steal the $10.

Third, this cartoon attempts to make the point that these people have no right to protest against an out of control government because they’re using its services to do it. That’s like saying a prisoner can’t protest his imprisonment because he’s using government services to do it.

Look, the prisoner is on a pathway paved by the government behind fences provided by the government with an escort of government officials. He has no right to complain. How ridiculous is that? It’s like someone stealing your house and making fun of you for crying fowl while you’re still in it.

It’s like these labor protestors—they’re using the store itself to protest the store. It’s the only way it can be done. The fool who mocks the tax protesters wants government to take your money and for you to shut up. There’s a word for that: fascism.

So, don’t let this apparent hypocrisy fool you. We have the right to protest the injustices of government lest the fascist take away that right too.

Smoking Parents Suck

Yes, you’re seeing correctly. That’s a fucking idiot mother coddling a newborn while simultaneously puffing on a cancer stick. Did she hold off for 9 months while the baby was in her womb? Does it matter? The poor little bastard is addicted to nicotine now. He doesn’t have a chance. What a disgusting, toothless monstrosity this mother is. If I had any guts I would have given her a piece of my mind and taken the little baby. So sad.

And oh yeah, I’m probably paying for this dumb broad’s health care thanks to Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi. Fuck all that. I quit.

New Financial Thriller: Chaos and Kingdom

His stuff is excellent. Hope you can check it out:

Imagine the charter city of Ur in which there are no taxes, no forced regulation, and no laws except one—harm no one. It would be a libertarian paradise—a productive, free-market utopia with no equal on Earth. But would it work? Would people behave or fall into a chaotic dog-eat-dog arena in which the strong would simply crush the weak? Jacob Tanner is about to find out. He will take his life-saving pharmaceutical company to Ur in order to escape an overbearing government bureaucracy. But just when Jacob’s drug company becomes profitable, he is confronted with financial dilemmas and a shocking truth about his industry and his business partners. He can prevent the deadly epidemic his drug treats, but in order to do so, he must overcome a corporate conspiracy that stands to profit from the disease. “Chaos and Kingdom” plunges the reader into the cutthroat world of the modern industrialist struggling to create a valuable product between the extremes of constrictive government regulation and unfettered capitalism.

 

The Best Political Ticket for 2012

This is awesome:

The greatest love story ever told, and perhaps the one needed to save the country!!