Category Archives: Funny

Why Social Justice Warriors Suck

What a bunch of assholes. Definitely parallels Why Millennials Suck!

Gotta Love Millennials Music Video

It’s no secret that Millennials suck. Here’s an ode to their suckiness:

Why Millennials Suck!

Over the years, I’ve dished out a fair amount to erudite (and otherwise) criticism of Baby Boomers. It’s fair, because hey, they suck. But who’s worse than Baby Boomers? Their destructively annoying, crybaby kids!

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Millennials are a bunch of whiny, spoiled brats who are used to getting a prize for doing as little as farting and no one daring to come close to criticizing them about anything because they’re emotional terrorist toddlers in really expensive  distressed clothing. Oh, yeah, by the way, this whole article is a big fucking trigger warning.

What do you get when you plug a millennial in? A vacuum cleaner, cause they suck.

Who handles more balls than Kobe Bryant and sucks? Millennials.

What did the vampire say to the Millennial? No, you suck.

Millennials Suck. Here are some reasons:

They’re Oversensitive Assholes

I was first introduced to the suckiness of Millennials in my job a couple years ago. We had a coworker who would do decent work but every time someone offered suggestions, she would reject them and when our manager criticized her, she broke down and cried.

Now, the suckiness of Millennials is on display every day in the news. There isn’t a spot on the New York Times calendar that isn’t littered with headlines of some poor little Millennial bitch (male or female) who got their precious little feelings hurt. Now we need “safe places” in PUBLIC UNIVERSITIES where over-protected ass-hats can feel just as special as their false-loving mama did? They’re such gentle flowers that they think that the First Amendment—you know the one that protects the freedom of speech against motherfucking tyrants?—isn’t applicable anymore. According to these big babies, people don’t have the right to say something if it offends them. The fuck? This is PC culture on methamphetamines. These weak-ass mental pussies make Baby Boomers look good and that’s saying a lot.

The university used to be a place to challenge one’s views and learn about the world. Now it seems that it’s a big playpen for oversized toddlers with big-girl panties and skinny jeans. Dickheads that think it’s worse to offend someone than to shoot them. No wonder more people are doing the latter.

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Their Infinite Gender Identifications

Millennials are the first generation to blatantly ignore the obvious biological differences between male and female and claim that your psychological interpretation or identification means more than reality. There’s a reason this shit was in the DSM—it’s a PSYCHOLOGICAL DISORDER to think you’re another sex. Bruce Jenner isn’t a Millennial, granted, but no doubt all of his idiotic supporters are.

Ask a college student what gender they are and if he or she isn’t so offended they cry and run away, they may give you any number of fucked up answers. “I’m queer.” “I’m bisexual.” “Oh I identify as trans-jerry-ass-amphibian-fucker.” What a bunch of assholes.

You want to offend a college kid? Tell them that there is a difference between men and women. That’ll put them into a faggy-ass rage like you’ve never seen!

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Basically, everyone but the rarest of exceptions has a XX or XY sex chromosome. That single designation from the two possibilities makes one a male or female. Males have penises and women have vaginas and can become pregnant. This basic physiological difference (and many others based on the chromosomal differences) are ignored by these mindless androgynous automaton Millennials. All these gender classifications are a figment of your disturbed psychology. Pick up a biology book you assholes!

They Have Absolutely No Clue About Economics

Imagine the most economically-illiterate human being on Earth. Now put them in charge of teaching economics to a bunch of these everyone-gets-a-star Millennial dickheads. That’s where they’ve learned economics. “We demand free birth control!” “Free university education!” “Free health care!” Do all these Marxist monkeys expect to work for free when they get done consuming all their free stuff? Of course not because that would be unfair! Fuck you suck-head.

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Two Words: Miley Cyrus

dickhead

This is by no means an exhaustive list. There are a lot of reasons why Millennials suck and I don’t have the time to document them. Here’s some more commentary: Generation Cry Baby

Millennials the Most Useless population – of course they think they’re God’s gift to the world and that’s a problem.

I Wonder if Philip Seymour Hoffman Killed Himself After Seeing How Bad Catching Fire Was

We all know that PSH died of a drug overdose, but I wonder if he did it intentionally after watching the second Hunger Games movie “Catching Fire” in which he played one of the lead roles.

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The movie was bad. Real bad. If I had a big part in making that movie I would maybe consider taking enough drugs to forget that I did or possibly even ending it altogether like he did. It’s hard to believe that the same people created the second movie after the first was so good.

“Catching Fire” has great effects but the acting is sub-par, the plot is absolutely ridiculous, and there were more holes in it than Philip Seymour Hoffman’s arms.

The movie started off quick and I would have forgiven them for glossing over a few missing pieces in they had continued along the revolution storyline. But out of nowhere, the plot turns into this ridiculous burlesque of the first movie in which it’s replayed in its entirety substituting the dead people from the first movie with really weird new characters as contestants for the spontaneous Hunger Games with the winners. Just dumb.

I guess I’m mad only because there was so much potential with the first one and even in the beginning of the second but after the freaky girl strips for no reason in the elevator, the crazy monkeys walk away because they’re scared on the beach, and Peta keeps dying and coming back to life, I was just laughing. This wasn’t supposed to be a comedy, I don’t think.

1 of the sexy but stupid plot gimmicks in Catching Fire

1 of the sexy but stupid plot gimmicks in Catching Fire

Social Farter

This is friggin hilarious and shows just how messed up smokers are. I’ve asked several monkey-brain asswipes who ask if it’s okay if they smoke if it’s okay if I fart in their fat face. This is an epic video presentation of that rhetorical question.

Annoying-Ass Back-Up Beeping Sounds Suck

Who the fuck came up with back-up beeping sounds? Whoever the sadistic motherfucker was, he did his part to make city life absolutely unbearable. And if you happen to live next to a construction site. Fugghedaboutit. You will be driven absolutely crazy by the incessant high pitched bullshit.

Hammering? I’m fine with that. Sawing? Less so. But at least those noises actually produce some good.

The thing is that back-up beeping sounds do absolutely no good. Who the fuck does it save from being run over? People half a mile away in a house not even close to construction site? No. I’m pretty good just chilling here in my house. Why do I need to hear your fucking noises? Does it help people on the construction site? I guess if you’re hammering something faced the opposite way from the truck and you have headphones on listening to Some godawful metal music, it would help you. But if you’re doing that, you’re an asshole and should be fired.

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Oh but what if a kid is behind your drunk ass when you back up? Well if the kid is blind, then that might be a problem, but if not, I think the rapidly advancing ass of your SUV is a good enough indication that the kid should get the fuck out of the way without an annoying beep.

You know who it really helps is the driver. It’s like a siren to get people out of your way so that you don’t have to check to make sure you’re not going to run anyone over. It’s like a really annoying narcissist yelling as he comes into a party. LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME!!!!!!! Fuck you. Look at me and don’t run me over. And do it without your annoying-ass beep.

Miley Sinks Faster than the Titanic

I hate helping to publicize such a public self-destruction but this is too good. After Miley Cyrus’s pornography on the MTV VMA Awards show, it’s clear where she got her inspiration:

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hilarious: Achy Breaky Fart

dickhead