Why Smokers Suck!

Check out my book “Sir Rantsalot” for an in-depth analysis on how smokers suck!

By nature, smokers suck. They suck a fad wad of rolled up burning skid marks in a piece of paper (good thing there’s a filter!) However, smokers sucking goes beyond the obvious physical act of puckering their lips around a little tobacco penis.

Smokers suck because, in their ulta-moral position to “do what they want” are forcing others to do what they DON’T want, namely inhaling their evil fumes.

Smokers suck because they pollute—ever look down on a public street? It’s littered with smokers’ unconscious waste.

Smokers suck because they are a drag on a welfare state that pays for their unhealthy habit. I don’t smoke, yet I have to pay for each and every smoker’s emphysema and lung cancer.

Smokers suck because they waste time at the workplace. Do I get a 15 minute break every 10 minutes to go kill myself slowly outside?

Smokers suck because they contribute to companies that do nothing for society except pull people down with their addictive but ‘cool’ habit that turns teeth yellow and lungs black.

Here’s to you smokers- you SUCK!

This guy sucks:


where do you think these butts go when the smoking asshole doesn’t jam them into his car ashtray? You got it—out hte window and onto our streets!


How about elevators? Smokers go take their gay-ass smoke breaks every 20 minutes while the rest of us people are working and when they commute back to their cubicle, they may have to use the elevator. But guess what? Their stinking-ass fumes haven’t been expelled completely from their dick-ass lungs so the others in the cramped elevator get to taste their evil stench for the ride back up to the office. And it doesn’t go away when they do. No, that bastard of an odor lingers for minutes or even hours after the lazy, wasteful cuds leave the enclosed area.

Elevators, just another reason why fucking smokers suck!

****By the way, read my responses to the comments below- I’m hilarious!

Response to a pro-smoking comment (“why can’t I endulge myself?):

Sure indulge yourself all you want…as long as it doesn’t affect others’ ability to indulge themselves (in other words, as long as one person’s freedom doesn’t inhibit someone else’s). In ever case that you mentioned, one person’s freedom inhibits someone else’s, so no, they shouldn’t be allowed to indulge themselves in that manner.

I think this is the central problem in today’s society. People think that they and everyone else has the right to do WHATEVER, even if it means that others have to pay for it. THat’s a crock of shit. No people don’t have a right to McDonalds and nationalized health care to pay for their clogged arteries. No, people don’t have a right to do reckless sports and have the taxpayer foot the bill. And no, people don’t have a right to slowly kill themselves with burning wildebeest fart sticks while they make others suffer.

Suck it up smokers:


407 responses to “Why Smokers Suck!

  1. I don’t smoke,but fuoK your point of view and personally you !!

    • Emperor of the 12 dimensions

      The point of view is valid..
      That means acceptable
      A few seconds of weakness
      A lifetime of pollution
      The chinks smoke the most.
      ur soft and scared
      I bet if ur favorite hooked died from smoking u would care. U have a boring name and little to listen to. I only replied to spit on u.
      It’s better than what I REALLY want to do.
      Think knives fire and falling 10000 feet
      Splash! Hopefully u land on some ugly fat cunt and 2 stones hooray. B4 anyone says how bad I am please understand if it were up to me only a million screened people would remain. Yes indeed I would butcher u 🙂 then take up smoking haha

  2. Fuck you man and your nazi ideas. Go drawn yourself you dumb cionist.

  3. how did I end up here? comments are funny as shit. I don’t smoke but I would love to light one up in front of some of the people in here just to watch them cry… whiney bitches
    smoke weed everday
    im the real puff daddy

    • Go fuck yourself, you macho son of a bitch who has nothin’ better to do than crap on folks who are different from him. You wouldn’t think those comments are funny if the people who made them ganged up on you and beat your ass to a pulp.

  4. Thank you SO much for this post! I totally agree!

  5. Seriously, **** smokers. **** smoking. ****ing losers… I ain’t paying for your ****.

  6. You make no sense at all, you picture with the caption “your paying for this persons health care” totally absurd and ignorant of reality. The truth is your a pussy, a uneducated fool. How can you say your paying for anyone’s health care when in fact, your not. Never have. Never will. You completely ignore or are just unaware smokers pay more taxes than non smokers, it’s a fact of life.

    I’m sorry your under the illusion that every time you start your car you’re not polluting 100 times worse than a million cigarettes…… So please get off your bullshit high horse, and leave us tax payers alone.

    • All tax payers, no matter how much they pay in taxes, are putting money into the welfare system. Some people who receive medical assistance do in fact use it to treat diseases caused by smoking. This is not an absurd claim. There are people on welfare who have emphysema and cancer whose treatments are paid for by tax dollars. That, my friend, IS a fact.

      You say smokers pay more taxes than non-smokers. That’s a generalization and I think you know it. Taxes paid depend on what you make in wages, and what you purchase. It’s entirely possible for a non-smoker to pay more based on his wages, than a smoker pays in taxes on cigarettes AND his income.

      And even if a smoker pays more BECAUSE he has to pay taxes on cigarettes, that’s really only one person’s fault: the smoker’s. No one is forcing him to buy more of a highly taxed item. No one. His habit is.

      Lastly… unless you can back up your claim that a running car is 100 times worse for the air than a million cigarettes, you cannot be believed. Give us the facts, give us the figures. And in either case, you’re probably not riding a bicycle wherever you go, either.

    • You’re just as hypocritical as the rantventrant.

  7. Good fuckin’ writing! Smokers sucking on Wilder beast dung, rolled into tiny penises! Priceless. I am an ex-offender, and I’m sorry…and all those gifts I’ve gifted that I thought were rad turned to shit when the person receiving them said they thought it was an ashtray, and were forced to decontaminate their gift first…sometimes not worth the hassle to keep it. I am not a hater…you wanna die smoking? Go ahead,knock your sock off! But you fuck with my life, the way this precious man took the time to describe above…and I might say thank you with a daily BBQ with plenty of starting fluid to let you enjoy some equally offensive funk. Fuck no to smoke! I got rid of mine, hell no to yours.

  8. If you smoke, and if you can manage to keep the secondhand fumes to yourself, pay for your own cigarettes, and don’t need medical assistance to treat conditions caused by your smoking, then I thank you.

    Then there are, of course, smokers who do not keep their habit to themselves. Your children, your pets, and non-smokers don’t want to breathe your fumes. Subjecting your loved ones and even strangers to secondhand smoke is just… not fair.

    We who don’t smoke, pets included, just ask that you please be considerate about us. That’s all I’m asking. I’m not telling you not to smoke. We’re just asking you not to do it around us; we are asking you to keep your fumes to yourself. Please.

    It’s about mutual respect, and that’s why I’m not talking to you like a sub-human being like the other people on this message board.

    You realize the world stigmatizes you for your smoking. Perhaps you smoke around others because you feel like you should enjoy the same freedom to do what you want, when and where you want, just like they do.

    When you first started smoking, you avoided thinking about what your lungs would look like in a few years. Over time, you stopped thinking about it at all. In your mind, you dissociated the health risks of smoking from the actual act of smoking. It’s just a routine that feels good now, and it’s annoying when people like me talk about secondhand smoke. Yeah, I get it.

    But for the rest of us, the danger remains. Some people’s throats and chests tighten up immediately at the smallest whiff of smoke. Cats and dogs, and other pets, can develop throat, esophageal, and lung cancer if they are exposed to secondhand smoke. They don’t have a voice. They can’t ask you not to smoke all the time around them.

    Life is short, and precious because of that. Again: mutual respect. Do what you want in life, and make what you want out of your life. Just don’t bring the dangers of secondhand smoke to others. It’s do-able. That’s all I’m asking.

  9. Chewbacca the Rookie

    I love how you can smell a right winger with an IQ of 40 whenever you suggest that something HORRIBLE like smoking or handguns or automatic weapons be regulated or outlawed, they use the ONE historical reference they know…. NAZIS! Don’t think smoking is healthy? You’re a Nazi. Don’t think 12 year olds should have an AK 47? You’re a Nazi. Think that McDonald’s is not good for you and maybe you should have a salad? Yup. You guessed it. Nazis. A message to all the fat, dumb and gun-crazy right wingers: your political party is DEAD. Your ideals are dead. You can get fatter, louder, angrier and dumber and keep yelling online and hypnotizing yourself watching Fox News while you jerk off to a picture of Ivanka fingering Donald’s asshole in front of Baron. You can think Liberals who disagree with you are faggy and gay and queer and rude and all those other wonderful adjectives that show the world you have a 10-word vocabulary. You can worship your gross, psychotic leaders like Rick Perry who want to “make america white again”. But you know what? In the end, you lose. In 10 or 15 years, you will be the cultural minority. Yes… that’s right… there will be more people around you of color who speak other languages in major cities that you will all have to retreat to your little insignificant small towns in the middle of no-fucking-where to practice your hate and stupidity where no one respectable sees you. Like an old flea bag of a dog taking one last withered up shit before he dies, you’ll have to waddle your fat, smoking, gun and Bible toting uneducated asses out to a field, shit on the floor, and wait to die.

    • You’re likely worse than the guy who made this website. What a fuckin’ liar you are. Is your head really that full of shit?

      It’s ironic that you called rantventrant uneducated and a Nazi when you sound like them yourself. Therefore, I wish that you took a gun to your head and pulled its trigger. If I see you die, I’d dance on your grave.

    • Can’t stand right wingers? Too fuckin’ bad. They’re here to stay whether you like it or not. So either you accept them for who they are or go kill yourself here like the Bible-hating and hypocritical bigot you are.

  10. You have a right to your opinion just like a smoker has a right to kill themselves with a wildebeest fart stick. I’m a nice smoker though.. I never blow my smoke toward non smokers. More people should be courteous.

  11. Like you, I’m against smoking. But I can tell that you’re not any better than them because of all the rants that you made.

  12. Haha! U r a giant pussy

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  14. Well, if you’re that offended by smoking and you yourself don’t smoke, you’re kind of a nut. People smoke for years without any obvious harms, so the belief that inhaling the diluted smoke that smokers exhale for a few minutes every now and then can harm you is wildly irrational.
    I hate gay people, because gay sex caused and still maintains the AIDS epidemic. See? See how mean and stupid that is? I’m not going to get AIDS, I have never met anyone that had AIDS, and it’s none of my business. No, I don’t hate gay people, stupid, I just wrote that to make the point that moralistic condemnations of people who have vices you don’t is pretty mean. (Well yeah, I do think promiscuous anal sex is a vice. But I don’t go around picking on people who practice promiscuous anal sex, because, as I say, it’s none of my business.)

  15. You’re just a crying ass bitch that’s softer then baby shit! Social network.? That’s a joke. Just a bunch of no life having bitch made punks with a thousand Facebook friends but no real friends. Crying bout nothing. Ranting about bullshit. Starting groups… now you got a whole bunch of no job having ass motherfuckers with nothing better to do with there/ your depressing ass life. Not everyone sits in a cubicle and I’m taking a shot in the dark but I bet your an overweight middle aged telemarketer with your receding hairline combed over acting like nobody can see yellow bacon grease you call sweat that’s pouring down your face for attempting to get around that whale blubber packed bean bag you call a stomach just to clip your Jank ass toenails. Criticize me for having well-deserved cigarette break because I’m a real man doing real work. Fuck you, your cubicle, and that pedestal that you had a crane lift your fat ass onto. I hope tomorrow mornings pallet of Krispy Kremes you inhale while bacon grease… oh meant sweat…is ruining down your pumpkin shaped dome piece you assume is your head but your not 100% certain it is anymore, what with all that shit pouring out your mouth. I bet you don’t even know if your eating or if you’re keistering that dozen of cornish game hens you fucked just to get a little extra stuffing out the motherfuckers. If you can fit through your front door go to the river stick your feet in the bucket filled with concrete and then jump… ha never mind… bahaha your fat ass would still float! Ugh… I’m got a couple tears in my eyes cuz I’m dying over here laughing! Bahaha seriously tho, no no no, seriously… do the truffle shuffle! Ahhhhahaaha i can barley breathe right now. I’m to much… I picture you at walmart on a rascal stuck doing a wheely dragging a hoagie for a tow hook! Ahahahahahahaha💩💩💩👏🐷🍗🍗🍔🍕🌭

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