Tag Archives: assholes

Why Social Justice Warriors Suck

What a bunch of assholes. Definitely parallels Why Millennials Suck!

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Geithner wants to fix it with Monopoly money!

Obama’s Treasury Secretary wants more money to bailout bad companies. Where’s he going to get it? Not the taxpayer- who is broke and in debt; not treasury bills- those are almost worthless. Oh, I know- he’ll get it from Hasbro- maker of Monopoly.

mopy

Like drunken sailors on shore leave

I think I could have found a better way to spend over a third of a trillion dollars!

  • sent checks totaling $168 billion in varying amounts to 116 banks;
  • committed another $82 billion to capitalize more banks;
  • bought $40 billion in preferred shares of American International Group (AIG, Fortune 500) so the troubled insurer could pay off an earlier loan from the Federal Reserve;
  • committed $20 billion to back any losses that the Federal Reserve Bank of New York might incur in a new program to lend money to owners of securities backed by credit card debt, student loans, auto loans and small business loans;
  • committed to invest $20 billion in Citigroup on top of $25 billion the bank had already received;
  • committed $5 billion as a loan loss backstop to Citigroup;
  • agreed to loan $13.4 billion to GM and Chrysler to get them through the next few months.

Why Smokers SUCK!

By nature, smokers suck. They suck a fad wad of rolled up burning skid marks in a piece of paper (good thing there’s a filter!) However, smokers sucking goes beyond the obvious physical act of puckering their lips around a little tobacco penis.

Smokers suck because, in their ulta-moral position to “do what they want” are forcing others to do what they DON’T want, namely inhaling their evil fumes.

Smokers suck because they pollute—ever look down on a public street? It’s littered with smokers’ unconscious waste.

Smokers suck because they are a drag on a welfare state that pays for their unhealthy habit. I don’t smoke, yet I have to pay for each and every smoker’s emphysema and lung cancer.

Smokers suck because they waste time at the workplace. Do I get a 5 minute break every 10 minutes to go kill myself slowly outside?

Smokers suck because they contribute to companies that do nothing for society except pull people down with their addictive but ‘cool’ habit that turns teeth yellow and lungs black.

Here’s to you smokers- you SUCK!

This guy sucks:

Free books!

My new book (Why Baby Boomers Suck!) is flying off the shelves like Che Guevera’s hair lockets, and I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has bought it in the last few days.  I know it has to be the funniest thing you will read this year and it feels good to identify with other younger generation peeps who are in the same Boomer shadow that you’re in.  If you haven’t already gotten the book from Amazon or your local Barnes and Noble, I’m offering five—count ’em FIVE free copies to the first five people to send me a comment (through the About page) with a unique stat or tidbit (somebody else can’t have stated it before) about the book.  Just go to the Amazon page or do some other research and send me a comment.  I’ll reveal the comments in 1 week and get the books shipped off after that.  Good luck!