Tag Archives: generations

Why Millennials Suck!

Over the years, I’ve dished out a fair amount to erudite (and otherwise) criticism of Baby Boomers. It’s fair, because hey, they suck. But who’s worse than Baby Boomers? Their destructively annoying, crybaby kids!

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Millennials are a bunch of whiny, spoiled brats who are used to getting a prize for doing as little as farting and no one daring to come close to criticizing them about anything because they’re emotional terrorist toddlers in really expensive  distressed clothing. Oh, yeah, by the way, this whole article is a big fucking trigger warning.

What do you get when you plug a millennial in? A vacuum cleaner, cause they suck.

Who handles more balls than Kobe Bryant and sucks? Millennials.

What did the vampire say to the Millennial? No, you suck.

Millennials Suck. Here are some reasons:

They’re Oversensitive Assholes

I was first introduced to the suckiness of Millennials in my job a couple years ago. We had a coworker who would do decent work but every time someone offered suggestions, she would reject them and when our manager criticized her, she broke down and cried.

Now, the suckiness of Millennials is on display every day in the news. There isn’t a spot on the New York Times calendar that isn’t littered with headlines of some poor little Millennial bitch (male or female) who got their precious little feelings hurt. Now we need “safe places” in PUBLIC UNIVERSITIES where over-protected ass-hats can feel just as special as their false-loving mama did? They’re such gentle flowers that they think that the First Amendment—you know the one that protects the freedom of speech against motherfucking tyrants?—isn’t applicable anymore. According to these big babies, people don’t have the right to say something if it offends them. The fuck? This is PC culture on methamphetamines. These weak-ass mental pussies make Baby Boomers look good and that’s saying a lot.

The university used to be a place to challenge one’s views and learn about the world. Now it seems that it’s a big playpen for oversized toddlers with big-girl panties and skinny jeans. Dickheads that think it’s worse to offend someone than to shoot them. No wonder more people are doing the latter.

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Their Infinite Gender Identifications

Millennials are the first generation to blatantly ignore the obvious biological differences between male and female and claim that your psychological interpretation or identification means more than reality. There’s a reason this shit was in the DSM—it’s a PSYCHOLOGICAL DISORDER to think you’re another sex. Bruce Jenner isn’t a Millennial, granted, but no doubt all of his idiotic supporters are.

Ask a college student what gender they are and if he or she isn’t so offended they cry and run away, they may give you any number of fucked up answers. “I’m queer.” “I’m bisexual.” “Oh I identify as trans-jerry-ass-amphibian-fucker.” What a bunch of assholes.

You want to offend a college kid? Tell them that there is a difference between men and women. That’ll put them into a faggy-ass rage like you’ve never seen!

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Basically, everyone but the rarest of exceptions has a XX or XY sex chromosome. That single designation from the two possibilities makes one a male or female. Males have penises and women have vaginas and can become pregnant. This basic physiological difference (and many others based on the chromosomal differences) are ignored by these mindless androgynous automaton Millennials. All these gender classifications are a figment of your disturbed psychology. Pick up a biology book you assholes!

They Have Absolutely No Clue About Economics

Imagine the most economically-illiterate human being on Earth. Now put them in charge of teaching economics to a bunch of these everyone-gets-a-star Millennial dickheads. That’s where they’ve learned economics. “We demand free birth control!” “Free university education!” “Free health care!” Do all these Marxist monkeys expect to work for free when they get done consuming all their free stuff? Of course not because that would be unfair! Fuck you suck-head.

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Two Words: Miley Cyrus

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This is by no means an exhaustive list. There are a lot of reasons why Millennials suck and I don’t have the time to document them. Here’s some more commentary: Generation Cry Baby

Millennials the Most Useless population – of course they think they’re God’s gift to the world and that’s a problem.

Another reason why baby boomers suck!

Millennials Rising may seem like a book about the up-and-coming Millennial Generation, but it’s really just another way that Baby Boomers (the authors Neil Howe and William Strauss) are congratulating themselves. If it really was about Millennials, you’d expect to read about some great things that they’re doing that they’ve come up with on their own–instead, you read about all the great ideas the Boomers came up with for their kids (like school uniforms).

The Next Great Generation

 
 
 
 
 

One redeeming aspect of this book is the quotes from the Millennials throughout the book, which show how ridiculous and self-centered they are, but also how they are rejecting the Boomers as one says “Boomers are hypocrites”.

The end result is another way Boomers are trying to remain relevant without doing anything good and another reason Why Baby Boomers Suck!

Yours Truly,
Finley Harrison

Before free love turned into expensive coffee

(What a great title to a review of the Baby Boomers, huh?!?)

When it comes to generations, Brokaw is an inbetweener (like us gen Xers) who was sandwiched between the Greatest Generation and the Boomers. The result of his perspective (and journalistic excellence) is an unbiased, if often saccharine, portrayal of the Baby Boomers through play-by-play of history and reflection. This time, the reflection is a little more fitting than when it was carried out when the generation was in their twenties–note that Joe Queenan’s hilarious Balsamic Dreams derides the same generation for “premature nostalgia” in the ’70s.

The Boomers did some pretty interesting things (and drugs) and the result is a pretty entertaining story. This book is a thoughtful review of that story and the reaction of the rest of the world from the Boomers’ defining moments including the summer of love and the civil rights movement.

(By the way, I wrote a book called Why Baby Boomers Suck!: (No Offense Mom), but I try to have an open mind)

The Boomer Century, 1946-2046: How America’s Most Influential Generation Changed Everything


This is a good Boomer-skewed perspective of the last 60 years and a small perspective on what the future is going to be like. I really enjoyed the positive attitude that the author shares, but I feel like he’s making the Boomer revolution out to be more important than it was. Yes, the Boomers went through some amazing times (Civil Rights movement, Viet Nam, the British Invasion, microwavable meals), but as I clearly describe in my humble effort Why Baby Boomers Suck!: (No Offense Mom), the Boomers can’t take credit for any of that and need to really work hard in the last 40 of “their century” to live up to the potential they had with such a huge swath of population.

Carlin on Baby Boomers and Politicians

Carlin shows how difficult it is to be critical of a generation and be funny (he’s not—at least in this clip). Has he lost all of his comic genius? I agree with the conclusion of this rant, but the particulars are pretty lame and not that funny. Still, I felt like throwing down some anti-Boomer sentiment on this fine day:

What don’t you get about the word ‘FREE’?

I’m offering up five free copies of my hilarious book  (Why Baby Boomers Suck!) and I’ve only received a few responses.  The rules are easy- send me a comment (through the About page) with a unique stat or tidbit (somebody else can’t have stated it before) about the book. Just go to the Amazon page or do some other research and send me a comment. I’ll reveal the comments in 1 week and get the books shipped off after that.  It’s totally free- no obligations!

Until then, here’s a photo of U T students posing like the Boomers themselves:

we suck

Free books!

My new book (Why Baby Boomers Suck!) is flying off the shelves like Che Guevera’s hair lockets, and I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has bought it in the last few days.  I know it has to be the funniest thing you will read this year and it feels good to identify with other younger generation peeps who are in the same Boomer shadow that you’re in.  If you haven’t already gotten the book from Amazon or your local Barnes and Noble, I’m offering five—count ’em FIVE free copies to the first five people to send me a comment (through the About page) with a unique stat or tidbit (somebody else can’t have stated it before) about the book.  Just go to the Amazon page or do some other research and send me a comment.  I’ll reveal the comments in 1 week and get the books shipped off after that.  Good luck!