Hands-off, my ass

First and foremost, the laws that forbid people from talking on their cell phones without some jerry-ass bluetooth device that makes you look like a douche is ridiculous (see California). Sure, you can eat McDonald’s, blow-dry your hair, fidget with the radio, and play sudoku while driving (no laws against that), but you can’t talk on your cell phone. You can juggle 5 humping monkeys while driving, but you can’t talk on your mobile without being “hands-free”. That’s fucking stupid.

But aside from the dumb-ass laws that annoy people more than save them, the general response to the law has been hilarious. Instead of using a really hands-free device to go along with the gay-ass law, many people (I see them every day here in California) have assumed that the hands-free speaker phone feature is good enough to pass muster. The problem is that unless the driver is going to put the phone in their crotch or on the dash, both of which locations make the speaker inaudible, the driver has to use his hand to hold the phone up to his mouth so the idiot on the other line can hear the idiot in the car. It’s figuratively “hands-free”, but it’s technically a fucking joke.

“Hi, I’m talking on speaker because of the fucking no-cell phone laws, but I’m still using my hand and now we just can’t hear each other, so there’s really no beneficial impact whatsoever. I’m going to hang up now and drive off a cliff.” Just use the phone like you normally would, dickless.

I’m not blaming the idiot pseudo hands-free driver. It’s not his fault he’s just trying to slide by on a technicality. It’s a dumb law and if I could take a shit on it, I would. In the mean time, I’ll just laugh at the all the idiots out there.

— Written on an iPhone while in the car —

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