I have been hearing about this wonderpill for a while now, and it’s finally available over the counter: Alli helps you lose weight. What I haven’t been hearing about is the way it makes you lose weight, and it’s pretty freakin hilarious.
Alli is an over-the-counter drug that makes people stick to a healthy diet… or else, because if you eat too much fat (about 15 g in a meal or more), you will suffer from all those great side effects that we’re used to hearing about like loose, frequent or explosive stools, gas and oily discharge. So, people are putting themselves at risk of blowing out their pants with sewage just to avoid the effort of staying away from fat through will power.
Well, I’ve got an even better idea- it’s called Assi. It’s a little gadget that you attach to your belt and every time it senses that you’re eating fast food or the like, it sticks a firecracker up your ass and lights it. That way- you won’t be able to digest anything. Who needs pills or gastric bypass when you can just blow your ass up?!?
It just goes to show that people will do anything to avoid responsibility. They want freedom, but they don’t want responsibility. The result of that is prison, though it might not seem like it. So, put down the pills and for the LOVE, put down the Twinkies!
If you want to blow your ass up, check out: Alli